The lazy man’s guide to doing the dishes is pretty simple: don’t do them. That’s it. Seriously, just don’t do them. It’s really not that hard.
If you’re the type of person who hates doing the dishes, then this guide is for you. Just follow these simple steps and you’ll never have to wash another dish again.
1. Don’t wash your dishes.
This may seem like an obvious one, but it’s really the most important step. If you don’t wash your dishes, they’ll never get clean. It’s as simple as that.
2. Let your dishes pile up.
Don’t even bother trying to keep your sink clean. Let those dishes pile up and soon you’ll have a nice, big mess to deal with.
3. Don’t use dish soap.
This will only make your dishes dirtier and give you more work to do. Just don’t use it.
4. Rinse your dishes with dirty water.
There’s no need to waste clean water on your dirty dishes. Just rinse them with the water that’s already dirty.
5. Don’t use a dish towel.
Towels are for people who actually want to clean their dishes. Just let your dishes air dry.
6. Let your dishes mold.
Mold is nature’s way of telling you that your dishes are clean. So just let it happen.
7. Don’t empty your dishwasher.
If you have a dishwasher, just let it fill up and never empty it. The dirty water will eventually clean your dishes for you.
8. Don’t clean your stove.
Stovetops are self-cleaning. Just let the food and grease build up and eventually it will all just burn off.
9. Don’t sweep your floor.
Sweeping is for people who want a clean floor. Just let the dirt and dust accumulate. It’s not like anyone ever walks on your floor anyway.
10. Live alone.
This is the ultimate lazy man’s guide to doing the dishes. If you live alone, you’ll never have to wash another dish again.