The 30 Funniest Tweets from 2017

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Here are the 30 funniest tweets from 2017:

1. “I’m not sure what’s more awkward: watching a couple on a first date or realizing you’re the couple on the first date.” – @FirstDateRules

2. “I’m not saying I don’t like my life, but if I had a friend who lived the life I live, I would punch them in the face out of sheer jealousy.” – @jerryseinfeld

3. “I’m not a fan of the new ‘live-action’ Beauty and the Beast. I miss the days when my princesses were just cartoons.” – @TheShannonElizab

4. “I’m not saying I want a divorce, but I definitely want to be in an open relationship with Netflix so I can watch other shows.” – @sassysarasaras

5. “I’m not saying I don’t like the way I look, but I do like the way I look better when I’m not wearing clothes.” – @amandabinning

6. “I’m not saying I’m fat, but this shower curtain just called me a whale.” – @TheShannonElizab

7. “I’m not saying I’m lazy, but I did order pizza for breakfast this morning.” – @sassysarasaras

8. “I’m not saying I don’t like my job, but if I didn’t have to work I would definitely not work.” – @jerryseinfeld

9. “I’m not saying I’m old, but I remember when there were only three TV channels and you had to get up to change the channel.” – @TheShannonElizab

10. “I’m not saying I don’t like my life, but if I had a friend who lived the life I live, I would punch them in the face out of sheer jealousy.” – @jerryseinfeld

11. “I’m not a fan of the new ‘live-action’ Beauty and the Beast. I miss the days when my princesses were just cartoons.” – @TheShannonElizab

12. “I’m not saying I want a divorce, but I definitely want to be in an open relationship with Netflix so I can watch other shows.” – @sassysarasaras

13. “I’m not saying I don’t like the way I look, but I do like the way I look better when I’m not wearing clothes.” – @amandabinning

14. “I’m not saying I’m fat, but this shower curtain just called me a whale.” – @TheShannonElizab

15. “I’m not saying I’m lazy, but I did order pizza for breakfast this morning.” – @sassysarasaras

16. “I’m not saying I’m old, but I remember when there were only three TV channels and you had to get up to change the channel.” – @TheShannonElizab

17. “I’m not saying I don’t like my job, but if I didn’t have to work I would definitely not work.” – @jerryseinfeld

18. “I’m not saying I’m lazy, but I do like the way I look better when I’m not wearing clothes.” – @amandabinning

19. “I’m not saying I’m fat, but this shower curtain just called me a whale.” – @TheShannonElizab

20. “I’m not saying I’m lazy, but I did order pizza for breakfast this morning.” – @sassysarasaras

21. “I’m not saying I’m old, but I remember when there were only three TV channels and you had to get up to change the channel.” – @TheShannonElizab

22. “I’m not saying I don’t like my job, but if I didn’t have to work I would definitely not work.” – @jerryseinfeld

23. “I’m not saying I’m lazy, but I do like the way I look better when I’m not wearing clothes.” – @amandabinning

24. “I’m not saying I’m fat, but this shower curtain just called me a whale.” – @TheShannonElizab

25. “I’m not saying I’m lazy, but I did order pizza for breakfast this morning.” – @sassysarasaras

26. “I’m not saying I’m old, but I remember when there were only three TV channels and you had to get up to change the channel.” – @TheShannonElizab

27. “I’m not saying I don’t like my job, but if I didn’t have to work I would definitely not work.” – @jerryseinfeld

28. “I’m not saying I’m lazy, but I do like the way I look better when I’m not wearing clothes.” – @amandabinning

29. “I’m not saying I’m fat, but this shower curtain just called me a whale.” – @TheShannonElizab

30. “I’m not saying I’m lazy, but I did order pizza for breakfast this morning.” – @sassysarasaras

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