How to Tell if Your Cat is Secretly Planning to Kill You

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You may think you know your cat, but do you really know what’s going on behind those inscrutable green eyes? If you’re not careful, your feline friend may be secretly plotting to kill you. Here are some surefire signs that your cat is up to no good.

1. It’s always watching you.

Cats are notoriously curious creatures, but if your cat is always watching you, it may be more than just curiosity. It could be waiting for the perfect opportunity to strike.

2. It’s always following you.

If your cat follows you from room to room, it’s probably just trying to stay close to its favorite human. But if it seems like it’s stalking you, beware. It could be waiting for the chance to pounce.

3. It’s always meowing.

Cats meow for all sorts of reasons, but if your cat is always meowing, it could be trying to get your attention. It could be trying to tell you something, or it could be trying to distract you while it plans its next move.

4. It’s always hiding.

Cats like to hide, but if your cat is always hiding, it could be up to something. It could be planning to ambush you, or it could be hiding a weapon.

5. It’s always sleeping.

Cats love to sleep, but if your cat is always sleeping, it could be because it’s conserving its energy. It could be planning to use that energy to attack you.

6. It’s always grooming itself.

Cats groom themselves to keep clean, but if your cat is always grooming itself, it could be trying to remove any evidence that it’s been plotting against you.

7. It’s always hungry.

Cats are always hungry, but if your cat seems especially hungry, it could be because it’s planning to use its extra energy to attack you.

8. It’s always thirsty.

Cats are always thirsty, but if your cat seems especially thirsty, it could be because it’s planning to use its extra energy to attack you.

9. It’s always playing with its food.

Cats like to play with their food, but if your cat is always playing with its food, it could be because it’s trying to figure out how to best use its weapons.

10. It’s always looking at you.

Cats are curious creatures, but if your cat is always looking at you, it could be because it’s trying to figure out your weak points. It could be planning to attack you where you’re weakest.

If you see any of these signs, beware. Your cat may be secretly planning to kill you.

2 Comments

  1. This is a very funny and accurate list! I have to say that I am guilty of many of these things with my own cat. He definitely gives me the evil eye sometimes and I am always wondering what he’s thinking!

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