How to tell if your cat is plotting to kill you

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You may think your cat is cute and cuddly, but did you know that they may actually be plotting to kill you? Here are some signs to watch out for:

1. Unusual behavior. If your usually docile cat starts acting out of character, it could be a sign that they’re planning something sinister. Watch for signs like hissing, growling, baring their teeth, or attacking you for no apparent reason.

2. Staring. If your cat stares at you for long periods of time, it’s likely they’re trying to figure out the best way to kill you. And if they start following you around constantly, that’s another red flag.

3. The “evil eye.” A classic sign of a cat plotting murder is the so-called “evil eye,” where they fix you with an intense gaze that seems to bore into your soul. If you catch your cat giving you this look, beware!

4. avoiding you. If your cat suddenly starts avoiding you, it could mean they’re planning to kill you and don’t want to be around you when they do it.

5. Gifts of dead animals. If your cat starts leaving you “gifts” of dead animals, it’s a sure sign they’re trying to tell you they’re capable of killing you, too.

6. Sleeping with one eye open. Cats are known for their ability to sleep with one eye open, and if yours starts doing this it could be a sign they’re plotting to kill you. They’re just waiting for the perfect opportunity to strike!

7. Disappearing for long periods of time. If your cat starts disappearing for long periods of time, it’s possible they’re scouting out potential murder locations or finding ways to get into your house without being seen.

8. Acting nervous or jumpy. If your cat seems unusually nervous or jumpy, it could be because they’re worried about being caught in the act of killing you.

9. Increased grooming. If your cat starts grooming themselves more than usual, it could be because they’re trying to get rid of any evidence that could be used to link them to your murder.

10. Noises in the night. If you start hearing strange noises in the night, it could be your cat sharpening their claws in preparation for killing you. Or, they could be tapping into your phone line so they can listen in on your conversations and learn more about your daily routine.

If you notice any of these signs, it’s important to be on your guard. Your cat may be plotting to kill you, and you need to be prepared!

9 Comments

  1. Seriously? I had no idea my cat was plotting to kill me! I need to be more vigilant in watching for these signs.

  2. This is a very interesting article! I had no idea that cats could be so devious. I will definitely be more careful around my cat from now on.

  3. Wow, I had no idea my cat was planning to kill me! I’ll definitely be more vigilant now that I know what to look for.

  4. I had no idea that cats could be so devious! I always thought they were just cute and cuddly, but now I know they’re potential killers!

  5. This is a very interesting and well written post. It makes some good points about how to tell if your cat is plotting to kill you. Thanks for sharing!

  6. I never knew my cat was plotting to kill me, but now that I know the signs, I’ll be more vigilant. It’s definitely unnerving to think about, but at least now I can be on the lookout for anything suspicious.

  7. This is a really interesting article! I had no idea that cats could be so devious. I’ll definitely be more careful around my cat from now on.

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