How to Tell if a Cat is plotting to kill you

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You may think your cat is cute, cuddly and benevolent, but the fact is, your cat is plotting to kill you. And, frankly, it’s only a matter of time before it makes its move. But don’t worry, there are ways to tell if your cat is planning to murder you in your sleep, and if you know what to look for, you can thwart its insidious plans.

The first thing you need to do is pay attention to your cat’s behavior. Does it seem unusually affectionate? That’s because it’s trying to lull you into a false sense of security. It knows that if it can make you think it loves you, you’ll let your guard down and won’t see the attack coming.

You should also be on the lookout for changes in your cat’s eating habits. If it starts eating more, it’s because it’s stockpiling energy for when it finally makes its move. And if it stops eating altogether, it’s because it’s trying to make you think it’s sick so you’ll feel sorry for it and let your guard down.

Another telltale sign that your cat is plotting to kill you is that it starts spending more time alone. This is because it’s trying to distance itself from you so you won’t suspect it when the attack finally comes.

Of course, the surest way to tell if your cat is plotting to kill you is if it starts acting strange around sharp objects. If you see it playing with knives or poking at you with a sharp stick, there’s no doubt about it, your cat is planning to kill you.

So, now that you know how to tell if your cat is plotting to kill you, what can you do to stop it?

The best thing you can do is to be vigilant. Pay attention to your cat’s behavior and be on the lookout for any of the signs listed above. If you think your cat is up to something, don’t hesitate to call the police or animal control.

And, of course, the best way to prevent your cat from plotting to kill you in the first place is to keep it well-fed and loved. A happy cat is a cat that’s not looking to kill its owner. So, make sure you give your cat plenty of food, water and attention, and it will likely never even think about killing you.

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